whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
