My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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