They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
