That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
