what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
