Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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