dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm always down for nudity.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
