tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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