Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
