if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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