Already got asked if we're dating
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
