why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
