forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
