you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
