i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
