guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
