Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize