Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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