Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
