I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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