Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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