So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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