My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Shame is for Republicans.
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