If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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