She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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