Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
