That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
