Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
