Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
How does it feel to date your dad?
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