if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
