Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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