I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
