This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
