belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
