i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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