His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
