She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
