If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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