update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
