Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize