My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i don't like sucking hair
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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