There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
