this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
