Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My vagina is officially offended.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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