Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
