Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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