So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
