Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize