I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
