My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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