I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You can't just leave with hair like that
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
