i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize