Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Congratulations! We have a period
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
