omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
