All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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