I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
