Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just threw up on my dentist
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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