no, he came in my armpit
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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