Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
