You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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