i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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