Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
