The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
