Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Randomize
