i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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