can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Randomize
