so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
