Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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