I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
